


builder of routines

by sayounarahitori



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23723314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayounarahitori/pseuds/sayounarahitori
Summary: Taeyong notices Johnny looking — after all, he does his own share of it.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 15
Kudos: 126





	builder of routines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taeyongseo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongseo/gifts).



> :)

Johnny watches him.

It's nothing out of the ordinary, and Taeyong is used to being watched, stared, looked at. But it stays with him, keeps him up at night when he should be sleeping. It feels special, maybe. Maybe it is.

It's not entirely obvious, either, but the thing is — well. Taeyong does his own share of watching. Looking at Johnny when he should be doing… anything else, dancing, composing, cleaning his room — anything. But his mind keeps straying, his memory coming back to when they roomed together. Back then, Taeyong always wanted a room to himself. Taeyong was a fool.

Nowadays, curling under covers, he wonders how it would feel like with another person in the room. With another body in his bed. Deep down, he knows who he imagines beside him.

In the day, he banishes all thoughts of this; he has enough to keep him occupied.

Never mind his straying eyes.

But in the evenings, when there's only a couple people around him, all of them safe and familiar, he lets go, lets himself want, lets it ache. Lets himself smile helplessly when he catches Johnny's gaze, hoping against hope it means something.

Hoping one day he won't imagine a polite knock on his door and Johnny's quiet call of his name. Lying in bed, he imagines it: letting him in, Johnny fretting around him, until he sits on the edge of the bed and smiles so, so warm. The way he would reach out and Taeyong would fall into him, grateful. He doesn't dare hope for kisses, the kind they exchanged sometimes, long years ago, that were both platonic and not. He just wants to be touched.

But nothing changes. Johnny looks, and Taeyong looks back, and life carries on. Their comeback comes and goes, and life slows down for a bit before it's expected to pick up again. They spend more time in the dorms, now. And it's fine, Taeyong doesn't mind a small reprieve — at least, until his mind starts running in circles and a little voice in his head starts reminding him he's not doing enough.

He throws clothes on without much consideration, tugs on the first hat that he finds and heads out to the studio — and runs into Johnny at the entrance downstairs.

"Oh," Taeyong says, wincing in apology. "Sorry. Didn't see you."

"What's the rush?" Johnny asks softly, surreptitiously looking him up and down, and Taeyong squirms a little, realising how messy he probably looks.

"Ah, it's just, I thought I could work on some tracks. You know."

Johnny nods, but he looks thoughtful.

"Can I walk with you?" comes a sudden question.

Taeyong is so surprised that he actually nods without even thinking it through. But well. He doesn't mind. Why would he mind?

Johnny doesn't seem eager to start conversation, and Taeyong lets the silence settle around them for the first few minutes. His mind switches over from beating him up for slacking off to trying to figure out what Johnny is up to. Why would he want to walk to the studio?

"I just thought I'd get some fresh air," Johnny says without prompting. Taeyong gapes slightly. He must have been frowning too hard, trying to figure it out.

"Weren't you… just outside?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yeah," Johnny confirms. "But, you know. It wasn't with you."

"Oh," Taeyong responds dumbly.

"Thought I'd make sure you don't overwork yourself," Johnny mutters, barely audible.

Taeyong laughs, and Johnny looks down at him — looks the way he's been looking a lot lately, and Taeyong feels all the unsaid words climbing up his throat, threatening to spill out.

"I do really miss when we roomed together," he says instead of a million other things, and Johnny looks surprised.

Maybe he should have stayed quiet.

"Sorry, haha. It's dumb, forget it," he hurries to say, looking down at the wet ground and speeding up — except that Johnny's hand catches on his bare elbow, and he has to suppress a shiver of surprise and something else. God, it's embarrassing, how much he craves this.

"It's fine, Yong," Johnny says, and then chews on his lip. "I miss you too, you must know that."

He didn't — he thought of many things, but not that.

"It's stupid," Taeyong tries to laugh, but it comes out weak. "We live together. On the same floor, even."

Johnny shrugs, his hand sliding down, down Taeyong's arm, fingere grazing his palm. Taeyong shivers.

Johnny tsks. "You should've worn something warmer," he admonishes, and Taeyong watches helplessly as he takes his jacket off and throws it over Taeyong's shoulders.

"But you— I'm not—" he starts.

"It's fine, fine," Johnny waves his concerns off. "Come on. We should walk faster before it starts raining again."

Instead of following him, Taeyong stands still. Takes a deep breath.

"Actually," he begins in a shaky voice, "actually you should go home. I'll be okay."

The jacket rests heavy on his back. Why does Johnny always have to be so considerate? Why must he always remind Taeyong how good it feels to get his attention, his touch, his warmth?

The splash of steps on the murky puddles brings him back to the present, and Taeyong opens his eyes, not even knowing when he closed them.

Johnny looks at him, and looks, and looks. "Actually," he says, echoing Taeyong, "why don't we both go home?"

And he holds out a hand. And Taeyong looks. And Taeyong takes it.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday carly!
> 
> this was an... experiment, so i hope you like it. title from manic street preachers.
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/boldmoonwalk) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/boldmoonwalk)


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